The Journal of a Spiritual Seeker, Seeking Truth in the Aftermath of Conflict
Hello Seekers,
This is a bit of a reflection I embarked on after a very difficult and very emotional conversation with someone I love. I’ve asked the Light to help edit it a bit so that it’s more generally applicable to everyday life and less specific to the event in my life it came out of. I’ve also asked the Light to highlight and amend anything I wasn’t clear on at the time because my emotions were still running high.
As I mentioned earlier in the week, this lesson has been a HUGE one for me in this life. I am very quick to blame other people for their emotional reactions to me speaking my truths, instead of giving them the space to have whatever emotional responses they need to have. This isn’t kind or compassionate. I am very slow to speak my truths, also, because I have some deep codependent patterning and people pleasing habits. These energetic imbalances in me tend to come out in blaming others, as well.
I am not very good at communicating, but I think I’m better than I was three years ago. And because I am committed to the kind of introspection you’ll see here in this post, I know I’ll continue to get better and better at communicating as I continue to live my life. It all comes back to compassion, and a willingness to be brutally honest with myself. Not easy at all!
I hope this helps you examine your own difficulties with communication, and helps you get to deeper levels of truth and honesty with yourself. It really can be a very healing journey.
The Light says here that the relationships we have may never be the same after we’ve been through these major shifts in how we relate to one another. I can report in hindsight that most of my relationships aren’t the same at all. Some are better than ever as a result, and some have ended. I’ve never been good at facing the latter possibility, but I’m coming to understand that we cannot deny our own truths to maintain connections with people. If we do, those connections will be based on a lack of truth and, even if we are ultimately being dishonest with ourselves, it’s harmful overall.
And as with all healing, it is an ever expanding process with no end, just new and next layers of discovery.
Sending many well wishes for you on your healing journey,
Jodie
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Q and A with the Light, Nov. 19, 2017
Me: (After more conflict with someone I love) What is bothering me so much about this situation?
You feel they don’t trust you, and you feel they are ascribing motivations to you that weren’t there because they’re not being honest with themselves.
Me: What else?
This hurt you, because you are trying to help and it’s backfiring. Follow the Light, follow your guidance. Allow the Light to continue to flow through you, so you can speak your truth to others. How people react to it is their business. How they hear your truth, how the energy works through them, it’s all dependent on where they are and how they are doing.
Continue to raise the frequencies. Don’t attach to other people’s reactions. Don’t allow yourself to be pulled out of the flow by your own reactions to other people’s energy. Know that when you are in the flow, you will always be saying exactly what you need to say and what needs to be heard at all times.
Me: I was feeling sort of proud of how I’ve been becoming more and more unshakable, and then tonight … Why — what in me is moving in this way that I am feeling so much pain right now?
Old traumas — from this life and many others. You love in a way that seeks to protect and make well everything around the people you love. But you choke off the flow when you do this. People need to learn and grow and you are not doing them a service by trying to prevent the experiences that would teach them what they need to learn.
Me: The interaction I just had, what is my takeaway? What can I learn?
Your autonomy. You are allowed to be strong and speak your truth. That is your right and, in fact, your duty to yourself. How other people receive these truths is their own experience, which they have to have accountability for. This is hard for people when they are unable to see through their own emotional reactions to the truth you are speaking.
When conflict between people challenges their belief systems regarding themselves and who they are, the emotions will run high. The more you try, the worse it gets. So you need to surrender to it. Do what feels right in any given moment, offer unconditional love and prayers. Do what you can, and allow your role in their lessons to be what it needs to be. There is balance in this. You need to release these desires for approval from outside yourself. Allow your higher guidance to be your judge on how or what you’ve done in any given situation. Ask yourself, how do YOU feel you did?
Me: Ok, how do I feel I did?
So-so. You’re still learning, and you’re still working way too hard to try to solve the problems of others. You’re getting better, but you’ve run yourself ragged lately trying to do “right.”
In terms of what you’ve said, you’ve been nearly 100 percent authentic. And the times you’ve been less have been an attempt to save other people’s feelings.
Me: Do I lack accountability in this situation at all?
You’ve been doing pretty well going into the energies and examining them and speaking from a place of balance and Light. Tonight, you got hurt emotionally and you reacted and said things you knew in the moment you should have just let drop. This exacerbated the situation. You are allowed to feel hurt, but you must allow the space to experience that hurt, examine it, and allow it to transmute. This would have been a more positive way to handle being hurt.
Me: Have I missed something, where there might be truth to what they said to me?
There are always deeper levels that can be explored and higher frequencies of Light you can rise into. You’ve been honest in your desire to bring positivity to the situation.
Cultivate some detachment. Things might never be the same in this relationship, but that’s ok too. It will be more healthy and balanced in the long run. And the short run too!
Me: In closing, is there anything else the Light can tell me about what I should be doing going forward?
Cultivating detachment will be a very beneficial lesson overall. It will allow you to move forward and onward in ever-increasing and expansive ways. By detaching, you will be freer to move forward through the muck that many humans are existing in and into more and more positive and uplifting places within yourself.
This doesn’t mean that you won’t love or have compassion for those who are still in the muck, and you will still be able to help them when they ask you to. But your self worth will not be determined by their feelings. So, let go of those old attachments and move into a more authentic and unconditional way of loving those around you.
Don’t replay conversations. Trust that what needed to happen did, and that you were an instrument of Light in those ways.
Allow yourself the freedom to move on, independently of others. Your energy is your own, and no one else has the right or the ability to influence it, unless you allow them to. Don’t allow it. Stay up, stay focused and stay always with the Light and in the flow of the Light.
Relax now and get some rest. It all starts again tomorrow.
Me: Thank you.
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Exercise: Begin each exercise by grounding and protecting. For more information on how, see this post.
Think about a time when you went through a difficult situation with someone you love. In hindsight, what questions can you ask yourself to evaluate how you feel you did in responding to the conflict, and how do you feel you handled your emotional responses? Take yourself through the experience, now that it’s a memory and the emotions are not fresh, and be as brutally honest with yourself as you can be about how you feel you did. Not the other person! Don’t use this as an opportunity to dredge up old resentments or think of how you wish someone else had responded. This is for you to look more deeply into your own emotional responses and reactions, and evaluate the things you’re glad you did, and the ways you wish you’d done things differently. Think again about the questions you just guided yourself through when viewing an interaction through hindsight. Can this series of introspections help you next time a situation is fresh and emotionally raw?
Be mindful of how difficult it is to do this when emotions are happening in full force, and be compassionate with yourself and others as you embark on this process. This isn’t encouragement to beat yourself up! Or someone else! Quite the contrary. It’s a tool to use to release judgement and move forward with more understanding from a place of greater neutrality.
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A brief note: This journal and its exercises are simply a means to help you find your own flow. There is no pressure to follow them exactly or read each and every one. It does not need to be read in order either, so if you miss one, don’t feel like you’ve failed or fallen behind. These messages are here to hold space for you as you discover and evolve within your spiritual practice.
This is the first volume of The Journal of the Spiritual Seeker, and I’m presenting it here on The Devic Connection website, serialized over the last 10 weeks of 2020, with weekly roundups via email (you can sign up in the box at the bottom of this page if you’d like to receive these.) If you’ve just arrived here and would like to start from the beginning, here’s the link to the first post.
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We all need help with clarity …
Sometimes, things come up in the healing journey that we can’t quite manage by ourselves. I’m fortunate to have people I can call on to help me gain that clarity. And I’m also in therapy, which helps immensely with processing the psychological and mental health issues. If you find yourself getting stuck on this journey or having something come up that you need some guidance on, please do seek help. An internet search can help you find a qualified mental health practitioner for those psychological issues. And if you’re looking for help from the Light on the spiritual questions, I have some availability for readings. (Read more about that here.)